Category Archives: Anxiety

Is it spring yet?

Is it spring yet?

Today I successfully stuffed my 9 pound 11 oz (😳) baby into the Moby wrap, put a jacket over the top, and slooowly walked one dog at a time around the block, no crying! You gotta celebrate the little victories.
Hey-o blog! This photo was taken a week ago, the first day I successfully managed to get Baby M. into the Moby wrap, cover it with a coat, and slowwwly walk one dog at a time around our neighborhood. He does well in the Moby wrap when he’s tired, thankfully. Unfortunately, my back does not!

I don't usually post inspirational messages, but this one spoke to me today. Also I really love the look of bright florals against black (thanks @ashleylongshoreart) 💖
From the IG account of Ashley Longshore, a fun New Orleans artist I’ve followed ever since Christopher recommended her to me. I like the message, and I also like bright florals against black.

This morning's reading selections. 📚
The goal is one book a day, and sometimes we make it, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we read four books to make up!

Huh?
Ughhhh yeaaaaaahhhh OVER IT.

"What's it all about?"
Oh man, I love this picture. Look at that double chin (his, not mine). Delicious.

First baby sponge bath: a success. And I finally got an adequate amount of sleep for the first time in 3 days, so I feel like a new woman. 🌞
It’s safe to say that he likes to snuggle.

Got my dog walk in today (in the rain). 🌈
This was the first day that I got adequate sleep (a real smile!), followed by two or three nights of two hour sleep, after which I was just about at the end of my rope so I went to our new GP and successfully re-started 50 mg of Trazodone. I’m the sort of person that can’t handle sleep deprivation well, AT ALL, and Trazzie is minimally excreted into breast milk. Now I’m sleeping again, Josh is sleeping, the baby is sleeping, and all is well.

A little rain never bothers these PNW dogs.
I enlisted my neighbor to come over and watch the baby today so I could take the girls for a (windy rainy and coooold) dog walk. It was a welcome break! And she is happy to do it, besides. It’s great having neighbors that are willing to help you out.

Dinner with the great-grandparents. Shirley is a Baby Whisperer.
Sunday night, dinner at Grandma Shirley’s place. Look at how relaxed M. is here…she is the Baby Whisperer.

I would like to sleep this soundly. 😴
Such a little man.

Sunday rainy day walkies.
Walking before the Superbowl on Sunday, baby strapped on.

Snow day!
Monday morning…GROSS.

Father and son. 💕
We took the baby for his check-up and he is already over 10 pounds!

Well, we got through one book today. 🐇
I think Peta gave us this book, and personally knows the author? My baby shower seems like it was a loooooong time ago.

This beautiful boy is one month old today. 🌟
On Tuesday Baby M. turned one month old. ALREADY ONE MONTH OLD. Soon he’s gonna be a surly teenager.

First successful outing with the Bob and dogs. We only lasted about ten minutes because of all the snow and slippery ice.
I was so desperate for a dogwalk on Tuesday that I loaded up the dogs and baby and Bob, drove to the park, and once there realized that the amount of snow and ice on the ground was way more than I had anticipated! We lasted about ten minutes. Still, that was our first solo outing to the park…you gotta celebrate the little victories.

M. and Maggie, ever protective.
Maggie and Bear Cub are really good with him.

Yesterday we wore stripes.
Tuesday was my most sleep-deprived day yet, and that was when I took this picture.

“You look about thirteen in that picture,” said my mother over the phone, “But so tired!” I was. But luckily things have straightened out.

Currently reading.
Currently reading.

I always liked the Brady Brunch movie from the 90s better than the original show.
I love RuPaul. Last night I typed in “RuPaul” to Youtube and just watched an hour straight of RuPaul interviews on various talk shows. So many great sound bytes!

Adventures in Babywearing: the rain washed away all the snow and ice today, so I was able to strap on my baby and take the girls for a quick nature walk. Although ohhh my back! He wasn't a ten pound baby when I was pregnant with him!
Voila! Good-bye snow! AND DON’T COME BACK.

Yesterday. Slouchy beanie (not so slouchy on my big head) by @corinne_spoja 💖
The Broad made that slouchy beanie…which isn’t so slouchy on my big head.

This is a good one.
Last night I had a fierce craving for Mongolian Grill…and it did not disappoint. I liked my fortune, too.

"All we are saying," says Baby M., "Is give peace a chance." Today's cute little outfit thanks to @flynnpobrien and @curleyobrien 😘
This morning I dressed M. in a new little outfit sent by my cousin Flynn and his wife Molly. I realized later after looking at the picture that M. was flashing me the peace sign. So cute!

Threw Maggie a tennis ball this morning and she returned with this.
I threw a tennis ball to Maggie this morning, and she returned with this. Hmmm.

That’s it! My past week. Some lows (sleep deprivation), some highs (first bath, first successful solo babywearing/stroller outings). We’re all getting through this newborn stage, one day at a time. And in the meantime, he sure is cute to look at. So long blog, it’s time for my dinner.

July camping part 4: beach loving

July camping part 4: beach loving

two dogs taking it in
Zee beach! I love this photo so much I broke my self-imposed Facebook ban and posted this picture (and then quickly logged off before the Facebook anxiety started).

two dogs on the beach
Christopher says he doesn’t understand how Facebook could give anyone anxiety, but it always has for me, and Myspace before that. Some websites just give me anxiety! I also don’t watch the news for the same reason.

speed boat
Know what gives me zero anxiety? CAMPING.

rock heart
See? Looooove.

sandy paws
The pets love it too.

mountain side
Yesterday Joshy and I went on a 20 mile bicycle ride. Maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot to seasoned bicycle riders, but lemme tell ya, it was a lot for me.

looking back
Once we arrived back home I did the stretches that Josh told me to do and iced various parts of my body and guess what? Only my arms are sore today.

J in the water with a speed boat rushing by
I told Josh during our ride that I don’t want to be a wuss (any more). I want to be a strong woman! Mentally, and physically. I’ve really tried to challenge myself this year.

butterfly landing
Look at the little butterfly on the backpack! Maaaaaaw.

butterfly on my back
He landed on my back!

boaters
The zoom on my camera works alarmingly well. These guys were not that close–we had the entire beach to ourselves that day.

beautiful blues
I mean, look at this. Wouldn’t you want to spend as much time here as possible? Mmmmm…

beach reading
A little light beach reading. Chelsea Handler is hilarious.

BC stirring up mud

BC chomping water while Maggie swims
Bear Cub was doing the most hysterical thing where she chomped at the water–we laughed our asses off.

Starving. We’re having fried chicken, green salad and watermelon for dinner tonight, and I am STOKED. One last little batch of camping photos coming up!

A 90th birthday party and a visit to Lisa

A 90th birthday party and a visit to Lisa

Lew chows down
Saturday afternoon was the Boy’s grandfather’s 90th birthday party.

table set
I was riddled with anxiety all day–not about the party, which was great, as always (the Boy’s parents always throw flawless parties), but about my visit with Lisa after the party.

small table set
I kept myself busy that day, going out shopping with the ladies–text messaging Lisa at a discount party supply store (best idea EVER) and asking her what the kids might like for gifts.

Bear Cub in the rainy backyard
I made the spinach dip, which has become my “thing” at the family get-togethers. It’s good to have a “thing”. Especially when it’s really easy (using the recipe on the back of the Knorr vegetable soup packet, if you wanna know my secret), and also gets a ton of compliments.

Then the Boy and I took the rogs for a walk–he had already gone for a run with his sister that morning but I needed him to exercise me, too. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: nothing beats sweaty cardio to ease anxiety.

Bill
And how lucky is my husband, in his late-ish 30s, to have all four grandparents still alive? I live vicariously through him. I love his grandparents, all four of them.

Bob grabs a chip
Since the Boy doesn’t get Thanksgiving off this year and we’ll be visiting my parents for Christmas, this is the last time we’re going to see this side of the family for a while.

a grainy bathroom mirror portrait
Had to get a shot of the outfit in, embarrassing mirror portrait or not. I wore a beautiful floral cowl-necked sleeveless dress I bought the last time I was in Boise with an acid-green cardigan and gold flats. The dress is as soft and comfortable as a nightgown. Comfort clothes are good when you are stressed out. Spanx + stress = no thanks.

Happy Bee Day sign
Sign courtesy of Brenna and the kids…I assume!

Lew and Bill
The 90-year-old birthday boy in green, next to Lew, the Boy’s other grandfather, who is in his 80’s and still skis.

Lisa requested that I stay overnight with her so as I packed up my overnight bag the Boy packed up a bunch of food from the party to take over to Lisa and the kids. I had him drop me off because I was too nervous to drive. A crumble of Xanax took the edge off. Listening to reggae music on the way over helped as well.

Aurora shows me her tutu
In the end, I’m very grateful for the visit. I came bearing gifts: a purple wig for Sadie, purple and pink fairy wings for Aurora, and a scary mask for Orion and a bunch of tubes of glitter face paint for Lisa (per her request).

Aurora is a glitter fairy
Lisa and the kids ate the food we brought and then Sadie, Aurora and I entered a crazy Girl Vortex of glitter, wigs, and snapping photos for an indeterminate amount of time, which as you know, is MY FAVORITE THING TO DO.

tired dog
I managed to get about 15 minutes of talk time with Lisa, which is about as much as a woman with 3 small children is allowed. We hugged and watched a slide show she was putting together of Zane. I felt like I didn’t know what to say and I felt like I didn’t say enough. Before we left town I wrote her a handwritten card about all the feelings I’d had about Zane’s passing and put it in the mail. Sometimes words flow better on paper than in real life.

Orion has a scary mask
The kid suffering the most right now is Orion–getting him to bed took hours and getting him to his grandmother’s house in the morning was a whole new battle. I feel so bad for him.

Sadie in purple wig; with glitter
Luckily, Sadie is handling the situation amazingly well and I’m glad she’s old enough to help her mother. Lisa’s an incredibly strong woman and I know she’ll get through this time. I feel very sad about Zane but comforted that I visited Lisa and the kids–they know how much I care about them, and nothing shows that you care like a visit, a talk and hugs. Oh, a little glitter and wigs never hurts, either.

Dentist, part 24242839859001

Dentist, part 24242839859001

recent nail strips purchaseRecent nail strips purchase. Currently I’m wearing the floral set, but looking forward to the variegated blue glitter! They were buy one, get one half off–impossible to resist.

greenhouse growth
I have yet another dentist appointment in little over an hour. Is it a bad omen to have a dentist appointment on Friday the 13th?

sunny bed
No driver this time, either. I figure I’ll pop half of one of those blue anti-anxiety pills he prescribed for me last time and see what happens. The dentist’s office is within walking distance of our house, but I’m not interested in walking there. Pffffft.

shoe stretcher
Only half, because I would prefer not to be all zonked out today. I need to go grocery shopping afterwards. For ice cream!

floral dresses and edie painting
I wasn’t nervous about the appointment last night but right now my stomach is churning a little. No coffee for me this morning!

neon dream
Can you guess which item on this page I’m considering buying? Go’on, gurl.

purple bikini and green pants
Come back, sun! I nee-eee-eeeed you. Time to take that pill! Happy Friday the 13th, blog-loggers!

A new clock, running, and funny vampires

A new clock, running, and funny vampires

starburst clock with mirrors
Christmas present from the Boy: a starburst clock, with tiny mirrors. I like how in this photo you can see the reflection of the plants and paintings across the room.

dog balance
New Years Resolution: more of THIS!

Speaking of resolutions, we went on our very first run together Saturday morning. That’s right, after 6 loooooong years: running together. “We stiiiiiiiiiiill together!”

furry locomotion
By running I mean we walked (with the dogs) and every so often we’d jog very slowly for a minute. This is how you start running, if you are not a runner.

catch
The Boy is a very good coach–he kept telling me to run slower (I like that) and there was no pressure, none at all. Nothing like running the mile in high school, which always brings to my mind side stitches and shortness of breath and dizzy spells and lower body pain. None of that!

peace 2012
To compliment my interest in running + interest in mental health without the aid of prescription drugs I picked up the Boy’s copy of “The Athlete’s Way“, which I skimmed before but never read in depth. “Sweat and the biology of bliss” is the tagline…yes please!

Ah, here’s an article the author of the book, Christopher Bergland, published today on “Psychology Today” called “Let’s Not Get Panicky“. Gee, is that timely or what?

honey please
The Boy told me to act like Greg the flamboyant kid for this photo, so I did. That comes easily.

nothing upsets me
Vampires” is an unusual and witty Belgian mockumentary about a family of vampires–the patriarch George, his wife Bertha and their two teenage children. The teenage daughter dresses in pink, files down her fangs and wants desperately to be human.

Samson
Their son, Samson, has an indiscretion with the lead vampire’s wife and the whole family is forced to move to Canada, where they find life extremely hard except Samson, who thrives as a street performer. I won’t give any more away–you just have to watch it. It’s rare to find a good mockumentary, and we’ve seen a lot of bad ones–but “Vampires” gets it right. I had zero interest in watching yet another vampire movie but this one sucked me right in. Get it? Ah hahahhaaa.

RAW show: Part 1: arrival and a sweaty mishap

RAW show: Part 1: arrival and a sweaty mishap

Welcome back. My brain is still in Camping Mode (mmmm…camping) and the RAW show feels like it was a loooooong tiiiiiime ago…three whole days ago! I have 875 photos to edit from one weekend of camping! Who’s to say I don’t enjoy my digital camera?

painting section

The RAW people suggest you give yourself 3 hours to hang your art before the show, but after getting ready/cooking delicious homemade pizza (dear Corinne–that pizza is the SHIT, love Liz) and an hour of heavy traffic on the way for some sporting event we arrived with one hour to spare.

paintings over the mirror
Of course, with three people helping out, the paintings went up in a flash.

paintings on right side
I had requested the same spot as before, and it seemed ideal, but turned out to be a disaster (more about that later).

geisha and seduced
RAW made each artist a little framed statement of our choosing. Mine was about as minimalistic as it gets: “My artwork reflects my longtime obsessions: the female form, bright colors and sparkle!”

Edie with artist business cards
I took the Boy’s suggestion and typed up each description of the paintings neatly instead of scrawling them on neon cardstock with Sharpie, a’la the July show. We spread out my business cards on three small tables. The area seemed primed for success.

my favorites on the couch
We had the paintings hung in 15 minutes. I didn’t put my shoes on until the show started. Oddly, I wasn’t allowed to hang any paintings over the “wallpaper”. It was hideous, but it advertised medicinal marijuana, so I didn’t mind too much.

this looks like a first date
“You guys look like you’re on an awkward first date,” I teased them. “Move closer!”

they LOVE each other
So they did this.

Corinne has a lot of heart
Is it just me, or is this the best photo of Corinne EVER? I mean…so far? Fabulous sweetie darling sweetie darling.

Josh has a lot of chest hair
The Boy shows off his chest.

butterscotch blondies are the ladies choice
The butterscotch blondies Corinne thoughtfully baked before the show eased my sweating, frazzled state…momentarily.

intensely glamorous females on a couch
Nerves nerves nerves. But why? I had done this show before. Why was I so nervous the second time around?

As before, each artist who participated in the show was supposed to have a videotaped interview, but when I went upstairs for the taping, the lack of air conditioning, end-of-summer heat and the bright light positioned on my face was simply too much. I could feel my make-up melting, my legs sweating all over the couch and I lost my mojo. I told the videographer I couldn’t do it–I was just too damn hot and flustered.

He couldn’t have been nicer about it, and offered to come back to me. I wanted to do the interview, but first I needed to settle my nerves.

glamour in the parking lot
Half a Xanax and some fresh air did wonders.

I still didn’t go through with the interview, however. Since I had already done a video I didn’t have to do another one, and I was grateful. Diva behavior? Nah–heat + nerves + unfortunate Type A personality tendencies (I’m way too hard on myself) = a bit of a mess, occasionally. Once I discovered I didn’t have to be interviewed I was fiiiiine.

two elegant women, a red car and the space needle
It was a beautiful night.

L and C at imusic
We were very glamorous. Corinne did an admirable job walking in her high heels. I had a bit more trouble, but at least I didn’t fall down. My silver wedges are really really high.

very very high heels
“I was going to call this photo, “The Perils of Platforms“,” I told the Boy this morning.

“What’s the peril?” he snorted. “The danger of being attacked by a troll?”

lerve is here to stay
Lerve.

Stay tuned for Part 2: what happens after the Xanax!