Category Archives: Scary Movie Reviews

So long 2014!

So long 2014!


Happy New Year’s Eve! I’m chugging coffee, munching on Shirley’s coconut chocolate chip cookies and snickering at this old New Year’s Resolution list I found in one of my teenage notebooks. I can only assume I was in my early teens when I wrote this list because of the roundness of the letters. My mother always teases me that every year my New Year’s resolution was to “get a tan”, and I’m sure she’s right, but at least according to this list I’ve always been smart about protecting my face! (my decolletage…well, that’s another story…). The little smart ass note at the bottom is pretty hilarious too, since I’ve always been an oversharer my entire life, and have always WANTED people to read my blathering. Emotionally scarring–ha!

As is my yearly tradition, I’m gonna re-cap what I did this year. Let’s see how fast I can make this happen. What did I do in 2014?

January
pink eyeshadow
NOT MUCH, January. Some eyeshadow experimentation.

Corinne and I and our fresh gel manicures yesterday. I got berry, she got purple. Then we feasted on cheeseburgers. It was a good day!
Corinne coaxes me into getting my first shellac manicure, and now I’m HOOKED. 2-3 weeks of perfect nails without chipping for 20-25 bucks…worth it.

–arrival of a late Christmas present, the Sony camera–trust me kids, stick with Canon. Never again, Sony.

February
– became hooked on the books of James Lee Burke (damn fine writer)

I think I see the light
Took a decent self-portrait with the Sony…? Is that notable?

failed body wave 1
The infamous failed perm that turned into a negative Yelp review (penned mostly by Christopher) that then turned into a second GOOD perm!

heart-shaped facial hair
Josh did this to his face on Valentine’s Day (shameless).

March
Here we go again...
Stylist Erika gives me a second wonderful and fabulous perm, and I have bouncy curls for MONTHS. It’s just now starting to finally go straight again. Should I get a third perm?

Two perms + sleeping with soft rollers = the curls of my dreeeeams!
Look at those curls, siggggh. Unfortunately this also kicks off Christopher bitching and moaning about how I’m improperly styling my bangs. I can’t wait for him to visit in two weeks and let HIM take a crack at my hair! Bwa ha ha, it ain’t easy.

Josh on the footbridge
First nature walk of the year with Joshy and the girls.

sister and brother
Met up with Brenna and family for a delicious breakfast, and snapped this flattering photo of brother and sister. Maw.

the photographer lags behind
Another nature hike with my furry family.

Current painting muse--and the only member of my Factory painting series still living. ❤️
Started the Holly Woodlawn painting.

Our vacation is in a month, but my bikini arrived today. Hooray for this filter to give my "Seattle tan" some color!
Felt good enough about all my hard work exercising to post a totally unedited bikini picture to Instagram. Celebrate!

the old gang
Fun reunion with all of our old co-workers. One of our co-workers was diagnosed with brain cancer around the time we bought our house, had surgery, and is currently in the middle of an impressive recovery.

L & E 3
Met up with an old old old old blog friend Emilio. I love meeting blogfriends in real life!

April

– my brother gets me GOOD for April Fool’s by announcing his “wedding”. I fell for it, but subsequently didn’t fall for ANY of the lies my co-workers told me the next day. Fool me once!

– got hired onto the job I wanted full-time

– Kurt Cobain’s death turned 20 (sigh)

Electric glide
The Electric Palette comes into my life.

L and J in the tulips
Joshy and I go to the Tulip Festival, which was beautiful. Our eyeballs suffered for the next couple of days though. Holy pollen, Batman!

fun photos at Populuxe
We head over to Populuxe to look at some art, and discover the joys of Peruvian brisket sandwiches. Mmmmmm.

– I dedicate my face to eyelash extensions FULL time (quite the upkeep) (WORTH IT)

happy sushi face
My Old Man turned 40, and we celebrated by going out to the best sushi restaurant in Seattle.

C and L and some ginger ales
Easter dinner with my Broad and Josh’s family.

mint colored Easter dress
Having a Princess Moment on Easter Sunday.

May
M and J at the park
Mumsie flies over to dogsit while we…

windblown
…spend 9 days in Kauai! Oh Kauai! Love ya. Not as good as Maui but still fabulous.

paradise
I mean, come on.

beach at the Tunnels
I’d do it again!

the gang before the run
Christy moves to Seattle and joins Josh and Brenna and I at the Color Run.

June

happy biking face
Let the bike riding begin! Turns out Make-Up Forever lip stain WILL last through a rigorous bike ride.

two blondes and an 80s background
Fun at Populuxe with Christy.

New glasses from #zenni--rainbow tortoiseshell with fun rhinestone details. I was skeptical that a 15 dollar pair of frames could be cool, but they are!
Discovered Zenni Optical. Now that I have cute glasses, I wear them more frequently.

Rainbow over the tomato plants in our garden
We plant our very first ground garden, and have a ridiculous amount of success. Next year: not quite so many tomato plants, bwa ha ha.

Liz and kitten
Corinne transitions from Normal Person with One Cat to Full Fledged Crazy Cat Lady with Five Cats…but I still love her. Barely see her any more, but still love her.

J and L
Joshy runs the Rock and Roll Marathon, I take a taxi to the finish line to meet him and we watch Sir Mix A Lot perform! What a Seattle-ish moment!

July

Josh and his fireworks
Josh and I celebrate the 4th of July like a couple of geeks in our front yard…by ourselves.

4th of July sparklers
I dress like this, because I can!

What a beautiful evening for a bike ride!
Enjoying bike rides.

wet pets
First of FOUR camping trips in 2014. I’m so proud of us.

BBQ 2
Had a successful backyard barbecue.

At the Locks, in Ballard.
Josh and I visit The Locks in Ballard.

August
Josh and Fleeta and Maggie
Sailing adventure with Josh’s parents and the girls. I’d do the sailing again in a heartbeat…but without the dogs, next time. Once was enough for them!

– Robin Williams dies, and everyone is sad about it.

Maggie by the river
Camping trip number two.

birthday girl
Birthday dinner with the Broad.

September
pretty sunset
Camping trip number three! We were rained on that time. So PNW.

Joshy gets down
Josh and I attend Bumbershoot, and he out-dances many, many stoned teenagers.

tutu love
Little Miss Ronia’s 5th birthday party. Loooove.

reflections
Final camping trip, which required the most hiking, featured the most whining (from me), but was probably the most beautiful too.

first dance
My little brother got married! I’m so happy for him. Love is good.

My father's 14-year-old Lab, Sally. This last trip to Boise might be the last time I see her alive. She's been his constant companion her entire lifetime, and I know he'll be devastated when she passes.
The last time I saw Sally. RIP Sally dog, you were one special girl.

– we discover our DREAM HOME…and then have to wait another month and a half to make it a reality.

October
– I start doing Scary Movie Month Reviews, but (predictably) get bored after a few.

sally detail
Sally dies, and both of my parents and my brother are there when she is put down. Maw.

– I get really into writing a book about DIY beauty recipes but have to abandon it when we start packing to move to the New House

old man drinking a Natty Ice
Josh and I dress up as Old People/Our Future Selves for Halloween. He won first prize at the costume contest at his job…

old woman shows off her pettipants
…and everyone said I would have won at my job if I hadn’t had to go home about 20 minutes before it started because I was suffering from such an awful cold. Heigh ho! Still had Good Times!

November
Celebrating first time home ownership with Thai crab Rangoon! Woo hoo!
Josh and I celebrate closing the deal on the New House with Thai food. We’re “grown ups” now! More or less.


Sold Joan!


We move into the New House! Hip Hop Hooray!

Christy and Liz are twinsies
Celebrate Christy’s birthday and see some old party friends.

– one of my childhood friends’ mother dies suddenly. Very sad.


All of this weird, white stuff suddenly appears all over everything outside.

the football crowd
Thanksgiving with Josh’s family and my Broad.

December

L and C
One of my bosses talked me into taking my birthday off from work, and I’m so glad I did because I had a truly fabulous birthday this year.

– discover “Advanced Style” (a must-see!)

portrait of the artist with her art happy to be part of an art show YAY!
Owen invites me to participate in his studio’s annual open house art show, which I did gladly!

Bob's boat
Josh and I go to the Wooden Boat Center and check out his dad’s boat. It was a gorgeous sunny day on Lake Union.

– we go see “Birdman”, which is essentially like having a panic attack for an hour and a half but WORTH IT if you’re emotionally up to the task.

beach combers
Walkies on the beach.

…and finally, Christmas in Idaho! Which I still have to blog…at some point…when I have the time.

So 2014! There you go! This year went by SO FAST I can’t even believe it myself, and I just reviewed the whole thing. One fabulous vacation, one major life change in the form of a New House, and a lot of highs and lows in between. Mostly highs.

So! I have a couple of New Year’s Resolutions. Christopher calls them “First World Problems”, and of course he’s right, but nevertheless…I have spent the last 4 years heavily engaged in some so-called “feminist” websites (that shall go un-named) and my New Years resolution is to stop reading them. Entirely. It’s become hate-reading by now and in this stage of my life, I need to focus on positive things. More Art! More Art! WAY MORE ART! And also…I want to finally go to New York in 2015, because I’ve never gone, and I know that I will LOVE IT. So that’s it! Hello 2015, hello to more art and positivity yeah! Thanks for watching, blog-logs. You may not comment, but I see you there, and I appreciate it. 

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “Eyes Without a Face”

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “Eyes Without a Face”

Untitled
Welcome to the final installment of my Scary Movie Month reviews! Predictably, I burned out on scary movies at some point last week, and now all I want to watch are comedies. You understand, I’m sure. “Eyes Without a Face”, the beautiful 1960 French-Italian film (which inspired the Billy Idol song that’s in my head now), is the last horror movie I sat down and paid attention to.

“Eyes Without a Face” is about a brilliant crazypants plastic surgeon who has vowed to restore the face of his daughter, who was mutilated in a car accident. He attempts this by kidnapping young women, surgically removing their faces, and grafting them onto his daughter’s head. That’s right, it’s just like “Face/Off”, only black and white and 37 years earlier! This movie is both grisly and beautiful–the grisly being the very realistic-looking face-removal surgery scene, and the beautiful being scenes of the daughter floating around her father’s mansion in gorgeous, ethereal Givenchy gowns, wearing a creepy white face mask in between surgeries to cover up her deformed visage. The scene where the daughter loves on all the dogs that her father keeps in cages was another stand-out for me. Don’t worry (SPOILER ALERT), those dogs get their revenge in the end! This film is not for the faint of heart, but definitely worth viewing. Not for children, though.

Scary: 3 out of 10. I wasn’t scared, but it has the potential to give you nightmares.
Gory: 6 out of 10. The surgery scene alone is enough!
Boring: 1 out of 10. At a run time of only 84 minutes and such amazing cinematography how could one possibly be bored?

Happy Sunday. I’m “enjoying” leisurely packing boxes, hugging Maggie and Bear Cub, and munching on a mint cookie chocolate bar. Josh woke up this morning and ran 20 miles for “fun”. Sound fun? Last night we tried on our Halloween costumes, watched a ton of youtube tutorials on Old People make-up and painted on wrinkles, and then spent a good 20 minutes snapping pictures of each other and laughing our asses off. Now THAT was fun!

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “House” (the insane 1977 version)

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “House” (the insane 1977 version)

house 1977
I found myself riddled with PMS this weekend, glued to the couch where I was simultaneously skimming feminist (cough) blogs, layering glitter polish over my chipped glitter polished nails, AND making my way through a horrible early David Lynch short film (the longest 34 minutes of my life) when “House”, the 1977 Japanese version, popped up under suggestions to watch next. Oh Hulu! You so cray!

THIS MOVIE IS INSANE. The basic film premise is about a schoolgirl traveling with her six classmates to her sick aunt’s country home…where things suddenly take a turn for the Weird. One by one the girls are killed off by a supernatural force. This movie, a ‘la Stefon, Has Everything: a piano that eats girls! A blood-spewing pussy (I mean, painting of a cat!)! Dancing skeletons! And about a billion other oddities that really have to be, um, “experienced”.

According to the Wide Wide World of Webs: “...the director fashioned the script after the eccentric musings of his eleven-year-old daughter, then employed all the tricks in his analog arsenal (mattes, animation, and collage) to make them a visually astonishing, raucous reality.”

Yup. This puppy was made in 1977, but not even released to North America until 2010! I think maybe we needed that long to process it. I know that I might have to watch it again…way too much to take in one viewing!

Scary: 3 out of 10. Maybe. This movie is too weird to be scary. NOT FOR CHILDREN THOUGH.
Gory: 7 out of 10. Lots and lots of gore.
Boring: 0 out of 10. NO WAY you can be bored by this film!

Hello blog here we are again! I’m all riddled up on late afternoon coffee and Midol. Joshy is out for one of his “Gonzo Abusive” runs. I’m about to start packing some more things in boxes. I realize photos on this blog have been few and far between but believe you me, once we move over to the New House it’s gonna be full of photos all over again! Photos of the New House, of course!

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “The Changeling”

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “The Changeling”

the changeling 1980

How could a horror fan like me somehow skip over “The Changeling”? It came out waaaaay back in 1980, and it’s just the sort of slow-moving creepy supernatural scary movie that I like, and it features a big ol’ haunted house. I just love movies with big ol’ haunted houses. This film is about a man whose wife and daughter are tragically killed in a road accident. Grieving, he decides to get away from it all by renting a big ol’ (haunted) house outside “Seattle” (ie: Vancouver). Soon, things begin to go BUMP in the night! A seance produces ghostly voices! His daughter’s bouncy ball keeps appearing out of thin air! And WHAT is that damn banging sound?

I liked this movie. This may very well be the first “scary” movie I’ve watched this month. I mean sure, “The Ring” was scarier, but this is a good old fashioned ghost story. One you can watch with your Grammy.

Scary? 6 out 10, if you like spooks and no dumb special effects.
Gory? 1 out of 10. Relatively gore-free.
Boring? 2 out of 10. I wasn’t bored! And I bore easily.

Hey hey it’s Saturday. The pets are chewing on fresh rawhide bones, Josh is out being stupid on a bicycle somewhere with his muncle*, and I am powering down a 16 oz coconut latte and preparing to put stuff in boxes. We have a lot of stuff.

 

* muncle: Uncle Mike

Blogged: Scary Movie Month Reviews: “You’re Next”

Blogged: Scary Movie Month Reviews: “You’re Next”

you're next
We watched “You’re Next” last night. I feel like there should be an exclamation point after Next, but there isn’t. This movie is about an Australian girl attending her new (non-Australian) boyfriend’s family reunion, celebrating his parents’ 35th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately during dinner, a gang of animal-masked baddies start viciously attacking and killing them off…and you’re left to speculate, which one of the family members is in on it?

The movie starts out a little slow-paced, and none of the characters are particularly likeable, really, but a twist is always fun (even if it is a little predictable) and one of the characters (no spoilers here) definitely shows some bad-assery. As far as this type of movie goes, it’s a pretty decent one. Would I watch it again? Nah, but it’s worth seeing once.

Scary? 2 out of 10. It won’t keep you up at night.
Gory? 5 out of 10. Some cringe-worthy scenes.
Boring? 4 out of 10. It kept our (limited) attentions!

Scary Movie Month Reviews: Big Ass Spider!

Scary Movie Month Reviews: Big Ass Spider!

big ass spider!

Of course the arachnophobe in me could not resist watching “Big Ass Spider!”. I mean, the title ALONE is excellent, right? I will say this, for a true phobic, such as myself, the scariest spider movie in existence that will likely never be topped is 1990’s “Arachnophobia”, which scarred me for years. For YEARS I would check each shower stall carefully before entering, lift the toilet seat every time, and lampshades? Always gotta check under that lampshade. For years. Sigh.

So “Big Ass Spider!” is not particularly scary, mostly because the spider is improbably large, and very CGI. Somehow CGI just isn’t scary, have you noticed that? If you can think of an instance when it is, dear blogreader, let me know. The movie’s premise revolves around a sort of bumbling exterminator who has to save the world from a giant spider that was accidentally released from a military lab. Said spider enjoys munching on human flesh, and just keeps getting larger. And larger. AND LARGER!

This is a cute movie. I would recommend it if you want something light and fluffy to watch, something family-friendly.

Scary? 1 out of 10. Not even close.
Gory? 2 out of 10. There’s a little blood, guts, and violence.
Boring? 5 out of 10…my attention waned towards the end a little.

In other news, this morning at 10 a.m. Joshy and I were at the movie theater watching “Gone Girl”. 10 a.m. on a Sunday! You’d be surprised at how many other people were there that early as well. I can’t even imagine how packed it was opening night. The only movie I’ve ever seen on opening night was “Eyes Wide Shut” with my high school boyfriend–we were high as kites, the movie was excellent, we smoked another bowl afterwards and then went to my house where my mother first accused me of being “loaded” and then proceeded to feed us brownies and milk. Love ya, Mom.

Anyways I’m a big fan of Gillian Flynn, the author of “Gone Girl” (the book and the screenplay), and I had recently retrieved the book from my mother’s house so I re-read it. David Fincher directed it and did a great job–Josh and I agree that maybe the actress who played Amy could have been a little more evil (in the book you really HATE AMY), but overall an excellent adaptation. Highly recommended!

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “The ABC’s of Death”

Scary Movie Month Reviews: “The ABC’s of Death”

[151] Stupid Scary Movie
Note: this is NOT a still from “The ABC’s of Death”. I Googled images from “The ABC’s of Death”, and they were all too gross to even post here.

Welcome to my first review for Scary Movie Month! I had to make the decision that only horror movies I COMPLETE will be reviewed here. Kicking off this month I started watching at least four horror movies that I had zero interest in completing. The first film that I actually completed was “The ABC’s of Death”, which was released in 2012 and actually just had a sequel released this year. This movie has a great premise: 27 different directors tackle each letter in the alphabet, resulting in what should have been 26 excellent and scary short films. WRONG. I was hoping that one, just one letter would stand out, but they were all pretty bad, some worse than others. This movie is also really gruesome and violent, so if you’re into “gross-out” horror, this is your bag, baby, but not mine.

I had only heard of one of the directors and his letter was probably the worst: “M is for Miscarriage” consisted of a girl standing in her bathroom, leaving to grab a plunger, and then returning to the bathroom to plunge her bloody toilet. THAT WAS IT. Someone paid that fool 5,000 dollars to make that. Sheee-yit just about anyone could have done a better job. “Q is for Quack” was okay. “S is for Speed” was okay too–another reviewer called it “Russ Meyer meets Bergman’s “The Seventh Seal””, which is accurate.

Final verdict: Skip this one. It’s not worth it. Trust me.

Scary? 2 out of 10. I’m not scared by gore, but I suppose some people would be.
Boring? 0 out of 10. This movie is many things (horrible things), but boring it ain’t.
Gory? 10 out of 10. “X is for XXL” was so disgusting I had to fast-forward it.

In other news, what’s up, blog? And happy Friday. I can’t wait to start packing, I MEAN IT I’M REALLY EXCITED.