Sucking down my daily late afternoon coffee in a sports bra, the Cleopatra wig, and a piece of stretch sequin trim, sans make-up. I was this close to practicing my Cleopatra make-up…but I got distracted. Story of my life. Every day, really, is just a series of distractions. But some of them are great!

If I hadn’t been “pressured” (there was no pressure) at the bookstore to choose an Elizabeth Taylor biography from their selection I would have probably gone with the Kitty Kelley bio “Elizabeth Taylor: The Last Star” because it seems the campiest. I chose this one because it has the word “obsessions” in the title and an Andy Warhol quote on the back cover (“She has everything: magic, money, beauty, intelligence. Why can’t she be happy?”), and I figured it was written by a gay man. You know who loved gay men? Elizabeth Taylor. Beeg time.

There is evidence that the Boy carved pumpkins last year, but this year was the first time I recall carving pumpkins in a loooooong time.

It’s time consuming! We had to take rest breaks! I even got a blister on my delicate lily-white hand! Dramatic sniff.

We were pleased with the final outcome, though. The Boy’s crazy pumpkin faces, and…

…my tiny sad pumpkin inside a pumpkin jail, an idea I blatantly ripped off from one of those Halloween magazines they publish every year that nobody ever buys. Well, I bought one, dammit! It was worth it.

“This house needs more spiderwebs,” proclaimed the Boy last night, and he’s probably right. I mean, MORE really is our philosophy, right? MORE NOW AGAIN that was a good book. I wonder what Elizabeth Wurtzel is up to these days?